Apres Velo Blog

I have been checking out your shirt designs for a few months now and last month my wife, Karen, hooked me up with a voucher for my birthday. Sweet. So I ordered one that I had like from the start and eagerly awaited it's arrival. First though, we got the confirmation letter. Karen, me and my work mates all had a laugh and admired the witty writings.
 A couple of days later the shirt arrived and I was blown away with everything to do with my parcel.
 It went like this.... "Oh wow look at the wrapping, cool". (shirt in plastic). "Hey, look at the lettering, that looks awesome". (take shirt out) "Far out, that shirt looks really cool". "Hey look a free calendar. Wicked". If you're not getting the picture, the whole frigging deal from looking through the website, ordering the shirt, the promptness of delivery, the actual items received and the complete professionalism shown by you guys is out of this world.
Thanks.
 Like Arnie said "I'll be back".

- Mike Hunn

WARNING: the following blog has been labelled offensive and revolting by my husband, Michael and disgusting by my good friend Dave (world famous architect and arbiter of good style, taste and substance). Do not read if you are easily offended by talk of excessive amounts of bodily fluids. MY husband MIchael (world champion solo stationary cyclist) told me over dinner that I am a cultured girl: well read, well educated and plays 3 instruments, studied classical music and art BUT to read my blogs would suggest otherwise. He says it reads as though I am a disgusting, gross, UNcultured, rough, bikie chick.  At this point my eldest beautiful daughter asked if she could lick her dinner plate clean? I said YES, of couse (it's environmentally friendly, saves time & energy and is another great camping and MTBing tip) and as a look of digust, astonishment and then anger flashes over his face ( he thinks I should be teaching them table manners) I remind him I saw HIM lick his plate just a few days earlier when he thought no-one was watching.Can't argue THAT one! :)  I normally DO use a lace hanky to wipe my nose coquettishly when I have a wee nose dribble but on a bike you can't whip out the pretty hanky, balance and blow every 5 mins. It's just not done. Maybe if my mother hadn't made me practise the violin and piano so much, so often.....my nose blowing technique and bike skills would be so much better! This is just another case of a mis-spent youth playing Czerny, Bartok & Beethoven.

Read on, those of you brave enough......

I'm just SO embarrassed.
I have just realised how many people i've accidentally snotted.

12. You no longer need a hankie to blow your nose

This is from my list of how to know you're a cycle addict (last blog). Well, this morning going up a hill into a strong headwind I did my now infamous blow into my hand and flick. It's a ladylike version of a the male finger over one nostril and big honking blow, each side. Oh, and then I wipe my hand down my bike knicks - very discreet, until you get home and see the lovely trails of white stuff all down the side of your right leg. There iz method in thiz madness - as you don't want to be slipping off your handlebars with wet, slippery, snottled, bike gloves.

Anyhow, going up the hill in front of Nicky, blow and flick and then I hear coughing & spluttering behind.....I've hit my best friend who was cycling uphill with her mouth open! Yuuuueeek! Bingo, in zee mouth!!! Oh well, she was complaining she needed some potassium and magnesium.

Then we saw my lovely friend Warwick speed past in the other direction and I remembered just how I met him and I told Nick she wasn't the first to be so blessed.....I was cycling in the dark across Narrabeen bridge after having done the windy stretch along Collaroy....I did my blow and flick and heard someone gagging behind me and a strangled "thanks a lot". I was shocked that someone was on my wheel (they kept up with me?) and I hadn't heard them -but also that I'd just done a "grande snottle" ( a biggie - you know when there's more there than you thought there'd be?) and hit them.
So, I apologised profusely and introduced myself and there began another beautiful friendship. Warwick is just divine and I have cycled with him many times now. He does stay to my left side and in front a bit though.

I'm sure I've inadvertently snottled many more of my friends who are way too polite to say anything, plus many more people on the various rides and races i've participated and snorted my way thru. I have a particulary runny nose and when it's cold it runs overtime.
 There can't be THAT much fluid in my body let alone coming out of those tiny orofices? Also, a bladder that continuously needs emptying.....how can one coffee mean 3-4 toilet stops? I KNOW it's a diuretic, but really? 

Now. that's another blog. Gotta go to the loo.

 

you know you're an addict when.....
1. Biker Chic means Black lycra, not leather and an Italian branded pushie -not a Harley.
2. a hot guy/girl cycles past and you check out the bicycle first.
3.You have more money invested in bike clothing than the rest of the stuff in your wardrobe.
4.You can't buy any more furniture because all spare space is taken up by your bikes.
5.You find your BIking shoes more comfy and stylish than your other shoes.
6.There seems to be nothing odd about discussing the connection between hydration and urine colour.
7.You buy crutches instead of renting.
8.You have stopped even trying to explain to your spouse why you need more bikes....you just buy more all in the same colour and hope they can't differentiate and figure it will all work out in the divorce settlement.
9.You're too tired for hanky-panky at night but crank out a 5 hour, 100km ride the next day.
11.You experience unreasonable jealousy over someone who has more bike bling than you.
12. You no longer need a hankie to blow your nose.
13.Rather than loosing weight -you spend a fortune trying to get your bike lighter by buying Titanium components.
14. You start swerving in your car to avoid potholes and drive home the flattest route.
15. You bikes are worth more than your car.
15 a. (your collection includes ar LEAST one of each of the following: a MTB, a roadie, a single speed of some sort and a fixed gear bike) 
16. You sleep with your bikes in the bedroom so they're safe & sound.
17. When you move to a new area or go on holidays -the first thing you find is the Bike Shop.
18.You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade bike components.
19.You clean your bike more than your car - and worry about polishing the paint off.
20. You spend hours on bicycle related chat sites and bike magazines are your bibles.
21.Your bike has more kms on it's computer than your car has on it's odometre.
22. You don't get embarrassed about wearing tight lycra pants just above the knee everywhere and anywhere, anymore.
23. Your suntan lines shout "cyclist".
24. Getting to work by 9am is just too hard but meeting your buddies at 5am for a hammerfest isn't a problem.
25.Inter-gender discussion of genital pain and what creams to put down there is normal.
26. Someone has a crash and your first question is "Was the bike OK?".
27. You hear someone has a crash, find out if the bike's OK and then ask if you can borrow it while they're slung up in traction for 6 weeks.
28. You have an anthology of scars collected at all the great riding sites - and can reel off which scar is from which track or trail.
29. Your local medical centre stocks all your favourite X-large wound dressings, knows what thread you prefer for stitching and expects you in late, Sunday afternoons......
30. You pick races & events and train religiously for them - putting family, pets, house etc as last priority.
31. While doing the race/event you ask yourself while enduring the extreme pain "WHY am I doing this?" and promise yourself you'll NEVER do another INSANE race again. 1 hour after finishing you're figuring out how much time you can take off your PB next year and and getting entry forms for more events.
32. Even after 3 courses at a restaurant you come home and have to eat more.
33. You spend hours making homemade energy bars and gels -perfecting the ultimate fuel.
34. Your drink of choice is raspberry electrolyte.
35. You have a cupboard full of vitamin supplements & "natural" energy enhancer/performance drugs of which you take so many if you  jumped up and down you'd rattle.
36.Coffee is your "Fuel" and reward after punishing Hammerfests with your training buddies.
37. When your training buddy has a bike crash and is in hospital, you take cycling magazines in for them to read and email thru orders for bike parts they need for when they're back on the road..
38. True addicts will wear Apres Velo -after cycle wear -so the world will know and understand all the strange behaviours listed above.
39. If you're in hospital you wear your Apres Velo tee shirts so people KNOW why you're in hospital. (Good on ya Stu!)
40. When you visit your cycling friends in hospital -you wear Apres Velo gear too. Or cycle to the hospital and visit in full cycle kit. Or get the whole team to visit for a team meeting, taking coffee, electrolyte & food bars and discuss no 6 (colour of urine/dehydration etc because of bed pan).
41. You won't let the ambulance paramedics cut your bike pants off -despite the injuries below - 'cause they just saved your life. 

I just had to delete some....the list was getting too long. Will work on my obsession list as my friends give me more ammunition.
Just gotta go plan my ride for tomorrow morning. Hills are my friends......:)

Here's some more tips on knowing you're a bike addict from my friend Paul (SERIOUSlY afflicted addict) and i'm not saying any of this is BAD....it's just recognising the behaviour. Paul does these 6 hour MTB race on his single speed and whips all our asses.
He has a bike made in each and every sort of metal, fibre or plant you can think of and can tell you the pros and cons of each sort.

x) When riding/driving with bike buddies you play "guess the bike".  

x) When seeing a tyre tread pattern on the track you know the brand of tyre and  the direction of travel. (really sick)  

x) You know you are a bike addict when the on-line shop enquires into your health if you haven't purchased something in a month.
x) You forget your anniversary, but can rattle off the dates of the 5 "must do' races in the coming year. 

x) You're  a bike addict when you put in hundreds of hours training for a 6 hour race where the best you can hope to place is 20th in your age group.

 

 

Rachel Neylan was spotted and photographed by the media over the weekend wearing her Uber Cool APRES VELO T shirt in between her altitude training sessions at the AIS in Canberra.

Rachel almost looks angelic like in this shot.

That's what happens when you worship the noble sport of cycling ( verse 1. Of AV Spinners Bible) and become a member of our Cogregation! (Except for the Big Cog who tends to look more like a roadie at a Metallica concert)

AV has recently become an official sponsor of Rachel Neylan as she gets ready to make her mark on the European Spring Cycling Tour. We are pumped and look forward to following her in 2010 and beyond.

Stay Tuned Folks - Live the Ride

 Big Test Icicles Team Training Session.

Test Icicles and the wonderful Ambulance Crew.